Have you ever experienced a feeling of solace by stepping away from the realities facing you, turning inward to lock out the rest of the world and wallowing in sorrow because that’s the only reality with which you’re comfortable?
Being of Eastern European background, I understand the “appeal,” especially on a dark, rainy night. But, inevitably, the sun comes out. Bummer.
It actually is a bummer, but of an opposite nature, since you’ve, no doubt, gotten stuck. And, it’s ultimately debilitating, because there’s no forward movement.
All of us, at one time or another, have done something we’ve regretted. Well, “saints and poets maybe,” don’t…to turnabout a famous Thornton Wilder line. But, at least, most all of us have. It’s part of the human condition.
So, how does one move on? Should one move on?
Well, there wouldn’t be confessors, therapists or moms, if one were supposed to stay stuck and dwell in sorrow or remorse for the rest of one’s life. That eliminates the “should one?”
So, “how?”
As Hamlet said, “The readiness is all.”
And, to get ready, it’s, first, essential to own one’s feelings; review the situation or incident in which one feels at fault or actually was at fault or in error. Try to understand what happened and why.
Honestly question… Was it my fault, the other’s or both of ours?
Ask yourself what you can or should learn from it
Could the situation have been different? Can it be remedied? Should it be remedied?
Having determined the answers or, at least, asked the proper question(s), it’s time to move forward.
If you feel you need forgiveness, ask for it. Even if that attempt is met with opposition, at least it will release any negative karma that may have been incurred.
If, for some valid reason, the situation cannot be remedied with the other(s), who may have been involved, then it may need to be cleared with a ritual.
Try writing out your view of what happened and what may be needed or wanted to be cleared. Then burn the paper on which you’ve written and, finally, bury the ashes. Over. Done.
Holding on to regrets is the cliché of pouring salt on a wound.
Instead, open your heart to yourself. Ask yourself for any necessary forgiveness. Help someone else through their rainy day. And, get back to smiling.
In King Lear, “the readiness is all” was changed to “the ripeness is all.” Realize that, if you wait beyond ripeness, you’ll be left with rot.
Know that it’s time to get over your regrets and get on with your life.
Life is precious.
You’re precious.
Let me see you smile.